AlGore and Mick Jegger called a press conference as a result of the Global Warming Hysteria that hit the news racks on Friday. Here is the transcript.
AlGore: I am teaming up with the Rolling Stones to get the word out on this very damning report that Global Warming is real and we must do our part to save the earth or we are all going to die.
Jegger: Yes, the best thing you can do to save the earth if you are over 50 is to kill yourself. But please don't use an internal combustion engine in doing so. Try Hanging yourself with rope made of hemp. If you can't do that please stop driving immediately and use public transit.
AlGore: Even late term abortions will help. Science tells us that the dooms day clock at the Hard Rock Cafe in Las Vegas will turn back for 66 seconds for every potential human entity not having the opportunity to emit Co2.
Reporter: Is there a study to back this up?
AlGore: Trust me there is enough scientists that believe it to make it fact.
Reporter: Mr. Jegger you announced you will be doing another 55 city tour next year?
Jegger: Yes that is correct! It's going to be our biggest tour yet with big screens and amazing graphics!
Reporter: Are you concerned about the greenhouse gasses and energy consumption that will be caused by this tour?
Jegger: pause..... We'll do our part by encouraging fans to take public transit to the concert. We must do this tour.
Reporter: I heard on your last tour that you had a fleet of over 36 semis and nine coaches. (true) Isn't the hypocritical?
Jegger: Look, we need to haul our equipment some how. Uhhhh, we'll use bio-fuels on this tour and cut back on our fleet.
Reporter: To how many? Uh 35 trucks. Thats a big savings in energy considering we are stopping in that many cities.
Reporter: Are you still going to use your private jet to get to the tour stops?
Jaeger: Like a lot of celebrities we really need our plane to get around. Besides, we're the solution not the problem.
Reporter: Mr. Gore, it was reported that you used a private jet to get to and from the Cans Film Festival and it only became public knowledge when your private jet got stuck on the runway. (true story)
AlGore: Yes I did, but there was no legal controlling authority that said we couldn't.
Reporter: I think you missed the point Mr. Gore. One private jet flight emits more pollution than what 5 SUVs do in a year. If you really believed this stuff I would think that you would do your part?
AlGore: That's MY JOB TO TELL YOU. We have to get to these places some how.
Reporter: OK, what about the speeding ticket you got for speeding through Oregon in a black Lincoln Town car? (true story)
AlGore: See, I don't fly all the time and besides that ticket got dismissed and so is this press Conference!
AlGore: I am teaming up with the Rolling Stones to get the word out on this very damning report that Global Warming is real and we must do our part to save the earth or we are all going to die.
Jegger: Yes, the best thing you can do to save the earth if you are over 50 is to kill yourself. But please don't use an internal combustion engine in doing so. Try Hanging yourself with rope made of hemp. If you can't do that please stop driving immediately and use public transit.
AlGore: Even late term abortions will help. Science tells us that the dooms day clock at the Hard Rock Cafe in Las Vegas will turn back for 66 seconds for every potential human entity not having the opportunity to emit Co2.
Reporter: Is there a study to back this up?
AlGore: Trust me there is enough scientists that believe it to make it fact.
Reporter: Mr. Jegger you announced you will be doing another 55 city tour next year?
Jegger: Yes that is correct! It's going to be our biggest tour yet with big screens and amazing graphics!
Reporter: Are you concerned about the greenhouse gasses and energy consumption that will be caused by this tour?
Jegger: pause..... We'll do our part by encouraging fans to take public transit to the concert. We must do this tour.
Reporter: I heard on your last tour that you had a fleet of over 36 semis and nine coaches. (true) Isn't the hypocritical?
Jegger: Look, we need to haul our equipment some how. Uhhhh, we'll use bio-fuels on this tour and cut back on our fleet.
Reporter: To how many? Uh 35 trucks. Thats a big savings in energy considering we are stopping in that many cities.
Reporter: Are you still going to use your private jet to get to the tour stops?
Jaeger: Like a lot of celebrities we really need our plane to get around. Besides, we're the solution not the problem.
Reporter: Mr. Gore, it was reported that you used a private jet to get to and from the Cans Film Festival and it only became public knowledge when your private jet got stuck on the runway. (true story)
AlGore: Yes I did, but there was no legal controlling authority that said we couldn't.
Reporter: I think you missed the point Mr. Gore. One private jet flight emits more pollution than what 5 SUVs do in a year. If you really believed this stuff I would think that you would do your part?
AlGore: That's MY JOB TO TELL YOU. We have to get to these places some how.
Reporter: OK, what about the speeding ticket you got for speeding through Oregon in a black Lincoln Town car? (true story)
AlGore: See, I don't fly all the time and besides that ticket got dismissed and so is this press Conference!
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There are recent melts occurring in the Arctic, but the Antarctic is experiencing just the opposite. The planet has a tendency to wiggle, and there is evidence that the poles have swapped in the past. They didn't name Greenland Greenland because it was all white and frozen, much more of it was green centuries ago.
