I found Nitromater by accident while looking up an old friend. I am not going to and have not mentioned names. Because the last thing I wanted to do was make that person uncomfortable visiting something that is so valued I am not going to visit again for a while and possibly at all. As much as I love racing, I will go back to getting my news they way I have for years. I want to thank you all for being wonderfully friendly, funny, observant, intelligent and just generally great people. None of you has said or done anything that would make me feel unwelcome or unwanted as part of this group.
Which brings me to old stuff. I am guilty of being a bad friend. It doesn't matter that it was years ago and that I was much younger and very naive. I was careless and/or thoughtless. There is more I could say on that but won't. I could make excuses for myself, but the fact of the matter is that for a long time, I just didn't see a way for me to forgive myself for being a bad friend.
I think that came with all the other baggage that I was carrying around. Some of it was inflicted by another (or a few others) and some of it self-inflicted because I thought others might be right. Over time I learned that I am not a bad person and that I actually am pretty intelligent when necessary and that I don't need someone else's "permission" to live my life as I see fit.
I could say that my friend just forgot me, after all, it was 20 years ago, but I knew this person (that I will not name) for 9 years and I know this person doesn't forget much. This person has a right to whatever beliefs or feelings existing. I want this person to understand that I am not out to cause embarrassment or force any acknowledgment or reconciliation of that friendship that I once valued enough to defy my parents more than once. I do however apologize for being a bad friend and I will leave it at that.
Those of you reading this may wonder what the heck brought this on. I guess you could say that I have learned that not everything in this world is my fault and that I have come to accept responsibility for those things that are as well as the responsibility I have in shutting out those that once cared when my world started going backwards the first time and again since. I have also learned that time does not run backwards and sometimes distance becomes so great that there can be no bridge. Value the time you have and step into each day as a new adventure. I wish you all peace & happiness. –hippy chic g’
Which brings me to old stuff. I am guilty of being a bad friend. It doesn't matter that it was years ago and that I was much younger and very naive. I was careless and/or thoughtless. There is more I could say on that but won't. I could make excuses for myself, but the fact of the matter is that for a long time, I just didn't see a way for me to forgive myself for being a bad friend.
I think that came with all the other baggage that I was carrying around. Some of it was inflicted by another (or a few others) and some of it self-inflicted because I thought others might be right. Over time I learned that I am not a bad person and that I actually am pretty intelligent when necessary and that I don't need someone else's "permission" to live my life as I see fit.
I could say that my friend just forgot me, after all, it was 20 years ago, but I knew this person (that I will not name) for 9 years and I know this person doesn't forget much. This person has a right to whatever beliefs or feelings existing. I want this person to understand that I am not out to cause embarrassment or force any acknowledgment or reconciliation of that friendship that I once valued enough to defy my parents more than once. I do however apologize for being a bad friend and I will leave it at that.
Those of you reading this may wonder what the heck brought this on. I guess you could say that I have learned that not everything in this world is my fault and that I have come to accept responsibility for those things that are as well as the responsibility I have in shutting out those that once cared when my world started going backwards the first time and again since. I have also learned that time does not run backwards and sometimes distance becomes so great that there can be no bridge. Value the time you have and step into each day as a new adventure. I wish you all peace & happiness. –hippy chic g’
