Sure fire ways to get out of shopping with the wife (1 Viewer)

[yoda]

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

DON'T TAKE ME IF I DON'T WANT TO GO...........

After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband
accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart.

Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.

Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she loved to
browse.

One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local
Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced
to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are
listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute
intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
"Code 3 in Housewares - get on it right away."

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on
layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from
the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked
the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming
the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

And last, but not least,
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, then yelled very loudly,
"Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"

Regards,

Wal-Mart


(BTW... This came to me from my Mom...... She also used to drag me out to Lions when I was 6 because it was "a cool place to hang out" )

 

[Toejam]

Don't get Married!

 

[Joker]

Thats funny, I have 2 true stories that I did to my to wife and I will share:

1.) I was tired and didnt feel like going anywhere but my wfie hates driving so she asked me to take her down to one of the malls and I said fine as long as she didnt stay too long. Yea right, I should have known better. Anyways after about 2 hours there we were in Victoria Secrets and I told her I was ready to go and she just kept saying "in a minute." SO finally after another 20 minutes I looked over at a good looking girl looking at some panties and told her, "You should buy those, you'd look real good in them." Ofcourse the girl gave me a stalker look and put them down and left the store. But you know what, my wife and I were right behind her. All I remember after that is driving home and hearing, "I cant believe you did that."

However, the next story is my favorite one:

2.) About a year ago my wife and her best friend said they were going to go the mall and it was raining and neither wanted to drive so would I take them, that they were just going into Macy/Dillards or something to the Mac counter for makeup. Well I dont know if any of yall know what Mac is but the girls who work there look like peacocks to me with all the crap they have on there face. Anyways, long story short after almost an hour there at the Mac counter I asked if we were leaving anytime soon and was told I would leave when they were ready. They werent being mean, just messing around and joking with me, So me being me, decides its time to leave. They had been trying on all kinds of eye shadows or whatever the hell it is they have there. They have this little cue tip looking things that they use, so I pick one up and say, "Hey, have yall seen this color yet?" When they turned around and looked at me I stuck the cue tip in my ear and pulled it out and said "Ear Wax Yellow!" Needless to say, my wife and her best friend immediately left the area and headed straight for the car. My wife still swears to this day that that was the most embarrising thing I have ever down. However, it probably does rank in the top 10.

 

[r2]

Can you send me a copy of that Martin??

 

[Sue]

As a wife and Mom, I don't asks my men to go with me shopping. Becasue I have a brother, Dad and Uncle. That do bad things in stores, like pass gas blame it on each other. Pick up stuff and act goofy. My Mom and Aunts would have me go shopping at Christmas time with the guys. I am not sure why may be to keep an eye on them. I just remember it was so embarrasing. They still kidd me about going with them.
Justin I loved your stories.

 

[Jenn]

I hate shopping! I've developed a method of sending my neighbors, my sister, my sister in laws, and my mom to do my shopping. Send them with a list, a credit card, and tada!

I'll go occasionally, if there is something that's too much variety to leave to somebody else, or if the item is a gift and requires thought but otherwise, I try and stay away.

 

[d'kid]

For some reason, Kat didn't find any humor in this at all....

I'm still LMAO
TY Martin

 

[Joker]

I hate grocery shopping with a passion. My wife makes a list for all the stuff she needs but yet still goes up and down every ailse and adds another $100 worth of junk to the basket. I'm one of those, make a list and go in and get exactly whats on it and leave kinda guys.

Anyways, I hated it so much I decided to get out of it. So when Pam and I went the next time I just started grabbing cans off the shelf and saying stuff like, "Mam, for only .99 cents you can have this can of wonderful soup" or picked up the huge cucumber and said, "It doesnt matter if you want to eat it or use it for other things, our huge cucumbers are only 1.09/lb." For some reason I dont get to go grocery shopping alot. Damn the luck. though I am a master at bringing all the crap she buys in the house in 2 loads though I cant feel my arms for an hour afterwards.

 

[Sue]

Now, my guys have to grocery shopping with me. You see I run a day care so I have buy a lot of food ever week. $150.00 or more. I shop, Hubby write the cheek ( then he can't yell when he see the cheek book) and son bags.
It's a family outing!

 

[yoda]

Let's go shopping!!
Maybe WalMart, for my nephews new Auntie...

Does this have anything to do with blue pants??

 

[Jenn]

Which reminds me, a girlfriend of mine was in line at Walmart, and she remembered she needed Kotex or Tampax or one of the two, so she called her husband who was wandering the store still and told him to grab some. Needless to say he was none to happy about it but finally consented to picking them up after she agreed to letting him have something else from the store. Anyway, he runs up to her and says "Honey, honey, they have Magnum Condoms now! Maybe these ones will fit!!!" Needless to say, he's never had to pick up that sort of stuff for her again.

 

[.]

For the short year and a half I was married, I went shopping with her twice.
Twice was enough.

Oh yeah, and when I would ask "How much did you SPEND?"
it was always, "well, it was on sale, and we SAVED this much!".


gotta love 'em

 

[G'ginna]

least favorite shopping; groceries and anything walmart. thats not shopping, that is survival, get in , get out, get it done. best time is between 11:00 pm & 6:00 am.

clothes are a necessity by law, just let me get in, get it & get out. but I will spend time over dressier stuff -hey, a girl just does at times you know.

real shopping; hardware stores (I am a tool-a-holic,) tack shops, some books and music. I will shop for good camping gear, flies, rods & lures.

I also will shop smaller mom & pops if they have interesting gift items.

Since I moved away from las vegas, my neighbors won't shop for me (darn those guys) and I am not worried about it enough to EVER get married again (I can fetch my own feminine needs thank you.) oops

 

[Kelly]

I hate shopping.....for anything! Oh, in person I mean. I'll shop online as much as possible.

 

[Too many to list here]

I shop for groceries 7am Sunday,no crowds no bs ,get them get out.I did miss a "cat fight" a few weeks ago in aisle 12.Happened too late in the shopping day for me though.

Cant stand Home Depot always a mess ,way too crowded no matter what time.Give me Lowes -early am.

One of my favorite things in life on the road was a late night visit to the Super Walmart in Dinwiddie. It's like a grand opening every night!! Crazy and insane!!!! I forgot half the stuff that happened, but if you ever get the chance try it!!!!