Another Lame Funny

[Alan]

A priest and a pastor from the local churches are standing by the road, pounding a sign into the ground, that reads:

The End is Near!
Turn Yourself Around Now
Before it's Too Late!

As a car sped past them, the driver yelled, "Leave us alone, you Religious nuts!" From the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash.

The priest turns to the pastor and asks, "Do you think the sign should just say 'Bridge Out'?"

 

[Alan]

That's right, another weak one from me. Gotta add some humor to this place sometimes!!!!

(All the good ones would look like this "*** ***** *****")

 

[Toejam]

Actually that was pretty Damn funny there Catman!

 

[Four Kalitta]

Here is another funny for y'all:



The Church Gossiper


Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept
sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her activities, but feared her
enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new church member, of
being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She
emphatically told George (and several others) that everyone who saw it parked there would know exactly what he was
doing.George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and then just turned and walked away. He didn't
explain, defend, or deny... He said nothing. Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of
Mildred's house... Walked home.. And left it there all night.



You Gotta love George...

 

[Terry]

Here is another funny for y'all:



The Church Gossiper


Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept
sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her activities, but feared her
enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new church member, of
being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She
emphatically told George (and several others) that everyone who saw it parked there would know exactly what he was
doing.George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and then just turned and walked away. He didn't
explain, defend, or deny... He said nothing. Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of
Mildred's house... Walked home.. And left it there all night.



You Gotta love George...

Teri and Alan,

Great stuff! And now I'll toss this out for your approval:

Three teenage girls that attended a private school got permission to go out on dates on a Saturday. When they returned at the appointed time, there was a stern looking nun waiting for them. She looked at them one by one and then focused on the first one--"What did you do to be ashamed of?" the nun said. The girl replied, "I held hands with a boy"
The nun said "into the bathroom with you and take this holy water and wash the hand."

the nun then asked the second girl if she had done anything to be ashamed of. "I let the boy run his fingers through my hair" she said. The nun said "into the bathroom with you and take this holy water and wash your hair."

The two girls were in the bathroom cleansing hands and hair when the third girl walked in with her container of holy water. "What happened to you?" the two girls asked. The third girl replied, "Move over gals, I have to gargle"

 

[Four Kalitta]

Teri and Alan,

Great stuff! And now I'll toss this out for your approval:

Three teenage girls that attended a private school got permission to go out on dates on a Saturday. When they returned at the appointed time, there was a stern looking nun waiting for them. She looked at them one by one and then focused on the first one--"What did you do to be ashamed of?" the nun said. The girl replied, "I held hands with a boy"
The nun said "into the bathroom with you and take this holy water and wash the hand."

the nun then asked the second girl if she had done anything to be ashamed of. "I let the boy run his fingers through my hair" she said. The nun said "into the bathroom with you and take this holy water and wash your hair."

The two girls were in the bathroom cleansing hands and hair when the third girl walked in with her container of holy water. "What happened to you?" the two girls asked. The third girl replied, "Move over gals, I have to gargle"

Good one Terry!!!

 

[Four Kalitta]

Here's another one:


Subject: Gun Shot Survivor


Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and
while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.

Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up
and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.


One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and
walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and
she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied
that she had been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her
brains in for over an hour.

The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head.

When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head.

When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered.

Linda is a blonde, and a Democrat, and an Obama supporter, but that could
be irrelevant.

 

[Alan]

Linda is a blonde, and a Democrat, and an Obama supporter, but that could
be irrelevant.

Darn!!! I read that one before, and knew that it was possible, but you just confirmed it!!!!!