HEMI6point1
Nitro Member
Q: What did the fish say when he hit the concrete wall?
A: Dam!
Q: How are women like parking spaces?
A: The good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
Q: What do you get when you cross Rush Limbaugh with OxyContin?
A: An OxyMoron.
Q: What are two signs computers must be female?
A: 1. They store stuff in memory, only to bring it up much later.
2. Once you buy the main unit, you'll be spending a lot more money buying
accessories for it.
Q: What do you get when you cross rogain and viagra?
A: Don King.
WARNING, BLONDE JOKES AHEAD!
Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: Put a scratch n' sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.
Q: What do you call an eternity?
A: 4 blondes in 4 cars at a 4-way stop.
Q: Why can't blondes be pharmacists?
A: Because the keep breaking the Rx bottles in the typewriter.
This ones a classic:
A woman in a hotel decides to go up to the publicly-accessible roof. Because no one is around, she slips off her bathing suit to get an overall tan. Lying on her stomach, nearly asleep, she hears a man running up to the roof and quickly grabs a towel. "Excuse me miss," said the flustered hotel manager, "we don't mind you sleeping up here, but we really would mind if you put your bathing suit back on." "Why, no one can see me," said the woman. "Not quite true," said the embarrassed man, "You're lying on the dining room skylight."
This is one I wanted to put on my answering machine but I would not fit:
Hello, welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline....
If you are obsessive compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Please stay on the line until we can trace your call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number to press. No one will answer.
A: Dam!
Q: How are women like parking spaces?
A: The good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
Q: What do you get when you cross Rush Limbaugh with OxyContin?
A: An OxyMoron.
Q: What are two signs computers must be female?
A: 1. They store stuff in memory, only to bring it up much later.
2. Once you buy the main unit, you'll be spending a lot more money buying
accessories for it.
Q: What do you get when you cross rogain and viagra?
A: Don King.
WARNING, BLONDE JOKES AHEAD!
Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: Put a scratch n' sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.
Q: What do you call an eternity?
A: 4 blondes in 4 cars at a 4-way stop.
Q: Why can't blondes be pharmacists?
A: Because the keep breaking the Rx bottles in the typewriter.
This ones a classic:
A woman in a hotel decides to go up to the publicly-accessible roof. Because no one is around, she slips off her bathing suit to get an overall tan. Lying on her stomach, nearly asleep, she hears a man running up to the roof and quickly grabs a towel. "Excuse me miss," said the flustered hotel manager, "we don't mind you sleeping up here, but we really would mind if you put your bathing suit back on." "Why, no one can see me," said the woman. "Not quite true," said the embarrassed man, "You're lying on the dining room skylight."
This is one I wanted to put on my answering machine but I would not fit:
Hello, welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline....
If you are obsessive compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Please stay on the line until we can trace your call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number to press. No one will answer.
