My annual True Christmas Story back by unpopular demand:
It was a White Christmas, Toilets and All!
For the Bailey family Christmas starts on December first and lasts all month. But the festivities really get going about the second weekend of the month with the annual Christmas Parade. Last year, we had an artic blast come in which threatened to make things a little difficult in getting our triple axle trailer downtown but the snow held off for one day before hitting hard the next night during our racing team's Christmas Dinner. The cold snap continued into the next week and readers from the Midwest will laugh when they hear that school was closed for the entire week.
I though to myself all of this is OK as long as I get my long awaited wish...a White Christmas. As the big day approached it kept snowing. Then Christmas Eve arrived and it was well.....raining but there was still enough snow on the ground to call it a White Christmas. I had everything planned perfect, I would pick up my wife at three and go to my mom's at four and then go to church at six and then play Pacman (a Bailey tradition on Christmas Eve) once we got home.
Unfortunately my plans began to deteriorate rather rapidly. While watching a rerun of the Christmas parade that we had been in the week before, over at my mom's house, word came into the living room that the toilet had clogged up and the plunger she had wouldn't stay on the stick! Oh $@!%! Conveniently, my wife had to run home so I instructed her to get our plunger while she was at it. She returned with the plunger and the problem was solved. As a parting gift we gave my mom our plunger in the event it happened again. Good idea. Or was it? I regained my holiday spirit as we went to Church and heard a great sermon from Pastor Scott. I even had a chance to say Marry Christmas to Gary White while I was there. As we came out of church with snow and ice still on the ground, it was raining heavily. Only if this rain was snow I thought. But as we drove home the rain did turned into snow.
As I was driving, the kids were in the back seat fighting and all I could do was watch the road. We got home and the fallout from the ride home continued. I buried my face in my hands thinking how come we can't have a Christmas like the ones we see on TV? Then the message came down from up high as in up stairs: we have a clogged toilet! Clogged toilet? I said! How can that be? What are the chances of two clogged toilets in two hours on Christmas Eve? BESIDES WE JUST GAVE AWAY OUR TOILET PLUNGER!!! I looked at the clock and it's 7:50 on Christmas eve and 7-11 doesn't sell toilet plungers. Maybe, just maybe, Walgreen's does if they are still open.
I got on my coat and ran out the door into the slick driveway madder than hell! I got in the car driving as fast as I can on iced over streets in a blowing snow storm. Screw these White Christmases I was thinking as "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas" was playing on the radio. I drive into the parking lot of Walgreens expecting the lights to go out at any second. As I walk in I'm relieved to read the sign taped to the door that they would be open until ten. But do they sell toilet plungers?
I didn't want to ask anyone so I searched isle by isle. I got to the isle where they most likely would be and then out of the corner of my eye I saw them! There was the standard model and the white all-plastic turboflush model. The turbo model was $3.00 more and had all the the bells and whistles you would expect from an item costing $3.00 more. But what if it doesn't do the job? I can't return it, I was thinking. I decided to take the chance on the turboflush. I discretely hid the taboo item the best I could until I got to the checkstand. I quickly bought the turboflush looking down hoping nobody I knew would see me with a toilet plunger walking out of Walgreens.
I then stepped outside and the snow was coming down. It was a peacefull moment as the snow sparkled in the Walgreens parking lot lights. I stopped, I froze in my tracks and realized that this very moment was one I had been waiting on since 1981 as we never get snow on Christmas. Like George Bailey, a feeling of the Christmas spirit suddenly came over me like never before as I stood by the door of Walgreens realizing that it was snowing heavily on Christmas Eve. I took that turboflush plunger and I raised it up above my head in one hand and yelled "Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!" as loud as I could.
A couple of people approached as they headed in the store for last minute items and looked at me funny like I was a dangerous whack job. They had to be thinking I was either a drunk or a real nutcase. I didn't care we were having a White Christmas! I got in the car and drove home in the blowing snow as the ground became white all over again. I came in the house with resolve, I unclogged that damn toilet in seconds flat with the turboflush and announced to the family that this was Christmas Eve and we only have so many of them in our lives and we need to enjoy every minute of it. I put on the Christmas CD I had just made, and the CD skipped. I didn't care. Then I turned on the TV to play Pacman and the TV screen was so bad you couldn't even see the dots around the track in order to play. I didn't care! It was Christmas Eve.... a white one. After a game of Monopoly we went to bed only to be woken up at 4 AM as the kids wanted to open their presents. I didn't care. After opening the presents I went back to bed.
It was a White Christmas I soon won't forget.
It was a White Christmas, Toilets and All!
For the Bailey family Christmas starts on December first and lasts all month. But the festivities really get going about the second weekend of the month with the annual Christmas Parade. Last year, we had an artic blast come in which threatened to make things a little difficult in getting our triple axle trailer downtown but the snow held off for one day before hitting hard the next night during our racing team's Christmas Dinner. The cold snap continued into the next week and readers from the Midwest will laugh when they hear that school was closed for the entire week.
I though to myself all of this is OK as long as I get my long awaited wish...a White Christmas. As the big day approached it kept snowing. Then Christmas Eve arrived and it was well.....raining but there was still enough snow on the ground to call it a White Christmas. I had everything planned perfect, I would pick up my wife at three and go to my mom's at four and then go to church at six and then play Pacman (a Bailey tradition on Christmas Eve) once we got home.
Unfortunately my plans began to deteriorate rather rapidly. While watching a rerun of the Christmas parade that we had been in the week before, over at my mom's house, word came into the living room that the toilet had clogged up and the plunger she had wouldn't stay on the stick! Oh $@!%! Conveniently, my wife had to run home so I instructed her to get our plunger while she was at it. She returned with the plunger and the problem was solved. As a parting gift we gave my mom our plunger in the event it happened again. Good idea. Or was it? I regained my holiday spirit as we went to Church and heard a great sermon from Pastor Scott. I even had a chance to say Marry Christmas to Gary White while I was there. As we came out of church with snow and ice still on the ground, it was raining heavily. Only if this rain was snow I thought. But as we drove home the rain did turned into snow.
As I was driving, the kids were in the back seat fighting and all I could do was watch the road. We got home and the fallout from the ride home continued. I buried my face in my hands thinking how come we can't have a Christmas like the ones we see on TV? Then the message came down from up high as in up stairs: we have a clogged toilet! Clogged toilet? I said! How can that be? What are the chances of two clogged toilets in two hours on Christmas Eve? BESIDES WE JUST GAVE AWAY OUR TOILET PLUNGER!!! I looked at the clock and it's 7:50 on Christmas eve and 7-11 doesn't sell toilet plungers. Maybe, just maybe, Walgreen's does if they are still open.
I got on my coat and ran out the door into the slick driveway madder than hell! I got in the car driving as fast as I can on iced over streets in a blowing snow storm. Screw these White Christmases I was thinking as "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas" was playing on the radio. I drive into the parking lot of Walgreens expecting the lights to go out at any second. As I walk in I'm relieved to read the sign taped to the door that they would be open until ten. But do they sell toilet plungers?
I didn't want to ask anyone so I searched isle by isle. I got to the isle where they most likely would be and then out of the corner of my eye I saw them! There was the standard model and the white all-plastic turboflush model. The turbo model was $3.00 more and had all the the bells and whistles you would expect from an item costing $3.00 more. But what if it doesn't do the job? I can't return it, I was thinking. I decided to take the chance on the turboflush. I discretely hid the taboo item the best I could until I got to the checkstand. I quickly bought the turboflush looking down hoping nobody I knew would see me with a toilet plunger walking out of Walgreens.
I then stepped outside and the snow was coming down. It was a peacefull moment as the snow sparkled in the Walgreens parking lot lights. I stopped, I froze in my tracks and realized that this very moment was one I had been waiting on since 1981 as we never get snow on Christmas. Like George Bailey, a feeling of the Christmas spirit suddenly came over me like never before as I stood by the door of Walgreens realizing that it was snowing heavily on Christmas Eve. I took that turboflush plunger and I raised it up above my head in one hand and yelled "Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!" as loud as I could.
A couple of people approached as they headed in the store for last minute items and looked at me funny like I was a dangerous whack job. They had to be thinking I was either a drunk or a real nutcase. I didn't care we were having a White Christmas! I got in the car and drove home in the blowing snow as the ground became white all over again. I came in the house with resolve, I unclogged that damn toilet in seconds flat with the turboflush and announced to the family that this was Christmas Eve and we only have so many of them in our lives and we need to enjoy every minute of it. I put on the Christmas CD I had just made, and the CD skipped. I didn't care. Then I turned on the TV to play Pacman and the TV screen was so bad you couldn't even see the dots around the track in order to play. I didn't care! It was Christmas Eve.... a white one. After a game of Monopoly we went to bed only to be woken up at 4 AM as the kids wanted to open their presents. I didn't care. After opening the presents I went back to bed.
It was a White Christmas I soon won't forget.
