Bwaaaaa!!! (1 Viewer)

[d'kid]

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes , in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: Depends on the welfare laws in your state.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: They never move, they just leave the house every once in a while, but they always bring back more babies.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: And this is different how?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes , in the same way a half gallon of ice cream serves eight.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant, as long as you are not the designated driver.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Were you in the room while the child was conceived? Would you like to be there when the next is conceived?

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, but unfortunately, you never recover from childbirth.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: You are not a parent until you do.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: She Married You, She wasn't normal to begin with.

 

[G'ginna]

I like yours too Karl.

 

[d'kid]

I like yours too Karl.

Loved yours Mrs. Sams

 

[G'ginna]

Thank you kindly Mr. Stalcup.

 

[.]

Cheryl,

add dry-docking to that list!

 

[Nitrohaulic]

I had to google for this but, I knew it because it's actually on the wall of a diner in the northeast, somewhere.

Ona day Ima got to Detroit to a big hotel. Ina morning I go down to eat
breakfast. I tella da waitress I wanna two piss's toast. She bringa me only one
piss I tella her I wanna two piss. She tella me to go to da toilet. I say you
no undastand, I wanna two piss onna my plate. She say you betta not piss ona
da plate, you sonna ma b*tch. I donna even know da lady and she calla me
sonna ma b*tch.

Later I go to eat lunch at the Draka Restaurant. The waitress bringa me
a knife, spoon, butta no fock. I tell her I wanna fock. She tella me
everybody wanna fock. I tella her you know undastand, I wanna fock ona da
table. She tella me you betta not fock ona da table, you sonna ma b*tch. So,
I go back to my room ina hotel, and there is no sh*t ona my bed. I calla
manager and tella him I wanna sh*t. He tella me to go to da toilet. I say you
no undastand, I wanna sh*t ona da bed. He say you betta not sh*t ona da bed,
you sonna ma b*tch. So I go to chech oda da hotel, and da man at the desk say
peace to you. I say, piss ona you too you sonna ma b*tch, Ima go back to
Italia!

 

[The Swegian]

*CROP DUSTING* When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff, but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

I've seen this before and pulled a muscle laughing when I first heard it. One of my favorite terms and commonly used in the Krogen household. Casinos are a common crop dusting ground.

Some people in my office really need to read the "How to" list and be aware of some of the "rules".