Confrontational or just opinionated? (1 Viewer)

[HEMI6point1]

Over the months here at Nitromater many have read my views on things in the lounge and over at the NHRA section.

However, one thing I have noticed is that my opinions go unreplied... or I get jumped on. Case in point.. the Paris Hilton thread. I basically say she's a butt ugly no-talent b*tch and what happens? You guessed it, I get jumped on.

My take on why I get jumped on for my personal views (happens on more messege boards outside of here as well) as that 1) I say what others only think, but are too afraid to say it. Or that 2) I just have very strong opinions on things and people are just like "I can't believe you just said that!" Some people say that my 3) delivery of what I say comes off as very confrontational but I think that all goes back to #1.

Case in point (those include things said on other boards as well):

I made a remark in a car thread that when you buy a Mercedes-Benz you have to buy two. Why? One as a main and one as a backup when your main one is always in the shop. I got jumped on by a supposed Benz owner who said that "my Benz has been the ultimate in reliability, you are just looking at the biased car magazines." Oh yeah? Then why does Consumer Reports and JD Power always rank Bimmers and Benzes low on reliabilty? By the way, I asked the guy what his model year was and he refused to answer (key because Benzes only started becoming junk when all those gizmos started becoming standard).

I said that anyone who chooses a Lexus ES350 over a Toyota Camry XLE is an idiot because the Camry is the same car, only difference is the headlights, dashboard and a slightly lower-end sound system for over $10,000 less. I got jumped on by a woman who said: "You have no right to call someone stupid for their choice in cars and also there HAS to be a reason why it's priced higher." Uh, yeah the name! I posted a link from both vehicles' sites comparing the two and she shut up. For the record, if you really want a Toyota-made car that is high on luxury, get the Avalon. It's better than both.

I simply repeated a stat I read somewhere: that half of all sexual harassment cases are deemed frivolous and thrown out. Then I added this: most of them are cases where the woman was either in financial trouble and wanted to get rich quick at some poor guys expense, or that she was asked out by a guy that she wasn't attracted to. The second part of my opinion was even a skit on a Saturday Night Live that was hosted by Tom Brady. In the skit, a man who looked like the office dork asked this hot co-worker out. She immediately screamed "sexual harassment!" but less than 2 minutes later Tom Brady asked her out and all she could say was "Of course!" Of course I was jumped on that I was basically being sexist and "that my attitude is the reason why many of them are thrown out," (huh? ) even though I acknowledged that many of them ARE legit.

I said that one of my pet peeves is seeing big people in really small cars, especially when they struggle to get in and out of them. Nothing against the people themselves, but instead of say a Hyundia Accent why can't they buy a car that they would feel better in, like an Impala or a Ford 500? Or if they need more utility something like a Ford Explorer? Oh yeah, apparently that's too politically incorrect as one said that my pet peeve is "bigoted towards big people" and "there could have been a million reason why they choose that car." One woman even had this snarky comment: "So do you make a chart like if a woman is a size 6 she needs to drive a Mini Cooper but if she's a size 18 she needs a Chevy Tahoe?!" Uh, no, I guess these people just don't "get" why it's a pet peeve.

 

[Kelly Raquipiso]

I'm gonna say "Opinionated" since you seem to start the ball rolling. BTW, I don't find either one to be inherently bad. Some people are just more emphatic and willing to share with the class. I just block people whose posts I consistenly don't like, which are fewer now that we can't use multiple bogus names.

Can we put this up as poll? Do we still have that feature?

 

[HEMI6point1]

Can we put this up as poll?

I tried but I guess you have to start a poll when you first post it.

 

[Rollout96]

Well.... This is just my opinion... But I think what may be the driving force is using words like "all" or "most" or "anyone who", etc... Those are sure to upset people. I don't really think being opinionated is a bad thing but the delivery can put people off. Just to offer an example, let's say I really thought that the band STYX's music was crap (I used them because I am a huge fan). If I were to say something like, "They suck and anyone who listens to that crap is an idiot." I think many people would take offense to that. However, If I said, "I really do not their music or that style much." then I have not said anything about them or their listeners. I have only commented about what I don't like.

Now I am not saying that I see you come across like that I am only going by the examples you posted in this thread. So my comments are more a generalization about how a different delivery may be perceived.

Besides that, that is is my opinion and if you don't like it you are an idiot!!! (that's just a little jokie-poo there folks)

 

[HEMI6point1]

Just to offer an example, let's say I really thought that the band STYX's music was crap (I used them because I am a huge fan).

Funny you mention them Jay, STYX is one band that is growing on me. "I have dozens of friends and the fun never ends that is as long as I'm buyyyyinnng!"

 

[Joker]

Samuel, you can ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you I'm about the most opinionated person you could ever meet and I aint afraid to tell you how I feel or what I think. Ask my boss, she will tell you. I dont sugercoat anything. Its the way I was raised. I always speak the truth whether its what you want to hear or not. Here's my advice to you:

Its all about delivery

 

["Dr. Dirt"]

Sam,
I see three things that you may consider:

1 You're young and unafraid to speak your mind which is not the least bit uncommon. Now that I'm older than dirt, I can look back and see where my youth and exuberance was not fully cloaked in wisdom, shall we say. Not that I wasn't right from my point of view but more that I wasn't considering all others effected by my bold remarks. Most times I am a little more careful of the feelings and opinions of others prior to making my point. I said most times!

2 Justin covered this one perfectly. It's all about delivery. I have learned that the realistic definition of diplomacy is being able to tell someone to "Go To Hell" in such a way that they look forward to the trip?

3 Opinions are like armpits. Everyone has theirs but they all stink at times. Information changes often and what was right then can easily be deemed wrong later. I remember when butter was best for you then conclusive tests and studies proved scientifically that it was bad and margarine was much better for you. Now we are being clearly told that margarine is again bad and that butter is far better for our bodies. What will future tests prove? Given the right circumstances, you'll learn that anything can be true or right from the right point of view. The same thing can be said about being wrong.
Steve Sommer, an alcohol funny car racer from Idaho used to say, "Tests will conclusively demonstrate exactly what my money tells it to prove."

This being said, you grow thick skin for those who offend, lash back, retaliate or insult you and you try your level best to present your case in such a fashion that nobody else will need such thick skin. Avoid confrontation when possible since it seldom settles anything but often unsettles much.

 

[Mike]

Sam, we need a target(LOL) Hey, I dont agree with everything you say but they are your thoughts and you are sure allowed to voice them. Like the other guys said, pick your words wisely and people might take it a little differently. Me, fire away my friend.

 

[Bob]

Good comments by everyone! (Jay, I got to work a STYX concert about 13 years ago. I was the house lighting director for the venue -- set up, colored and focused the light system with their road manager and light man, then was part of the security detail ON STAGE during their last set and encore....man, that was fun!)

Sam,

It is possible to express strong opinions without seriously offending others. Some will still be offended, but the level of offense can be greatly lessened by the careful choice of the words you use. You can make a strong point, but as Justin and Bobby wrote, the delivery can make all the difference in how it is received. I believe the ability to use the written word in this manner is something that is learned over time, not something that comes natural (at least not to most people). Also, intent (like sarcasm, humor, and sometimes, emotion) can be difficult to convey when you are writing the words instead of speaking them to someone in person. Having been involved with internet communications since before there was a WWW, I've had plenty of time to practice getting points across with carefully chosen words -- I first logged on when you were a toddler (1986). Give it time, you'll get better at it.

Bob

 

[Nitrohaulic]

Well.... This is just my opinion... But I think what may be the driving force is using words like "all" or "most" or "anyone who", etc... Those are sure to upset people. I don't really think being opinionated is a bad thing but the delivery can put people off. Just to offer an example, let's say I really thought that the band STYX's music was crap (I used them because I am a huge fan). If I were to say something like, "They suck and anyone who listens to that crap is an idiot." I think many people would take offense to that. However, If I said, "I really do not their music or that style much." then I have not said anything about them or their listeners. I have only commented about what I don't like.

Now I am not saying that I see you come across like that I am only going by the examples you posted in this thread. So my comments are more a generalization about how a different delivery may be perceived.

Besides that, that is is my opinion and if you don't like it you are an idiot!!! (that's just a little jokie-poo there folks)

Exactly. Every word means something, and one little one changes the meaning of an entire sentence. There's a HUGE difference between stating something as fact and making sure that it comes across as your personal opinion, if that's what it is. I remember someone else making that mistake recently. Just failing to include an "I think..." in front of something does NOT make it a fact.

Like I say all the time. I can ALWAYS guarantee my intentions. My results?

 

[ProStockJunkie]

A person can be opinionated without being disrespectful.

 

[whyisthisarequiredfield]

It's an Internet forum. Speak your mind. People who are too afraid to ever even be REMOTELY preceived as "Controversial" or "Inappropriate" are usually the ones who are most vocal in their own bigoted opinions when they think no one can hear.

Given the number of biblical/religious/even-tempered threads I see on here, the 'mater seems to have become pretty mellow, in terms of acceptable levels of controversy, and that's fine. The best thing to do is just save the...um, "off-color" opinions for sites like YellowBullet.com or HotRodGossip.

But really...someone who gets their shorts in a wad about Lexus/Camry statements or the quality of STYX music probably needs a real hobby. And yes, fat people who drive Minis or Geos just look plain stupid. Just like the 5'0" soccer moms who drive Hummers and Ford Excursions.

 

[BSquared]

This is the lounge right?
Sitting around, chatting, sharing opinions. Kinda like the bar but with fancy sofa chairs.

I am new here, but I like hearing others opinions. If I disagree I will call you out on it. If you dont like mine, shoot me down, I can handle it

If this is all unicorns and rainbows over here, I will be rather disapointed

 

[Harry Mannback]

Sam, it's all about how you say it. If you stay away from the “you're an idiot” or any other personal stuff it will be easier to keep the topic a discussion rather than a playground fight. Bob and Bobby gave great advice and in my opinion are right on target.

As far as the Styx music goes, if you can find a copy of Big Bang Theory take some time to check it out. They cover the songs that influenced them in the beginning.
I got to see them with Billy Preston shortly before he passed. That was a great show!

Dan

 

[Rollout96]

As far as the Styx music goes, if you can find a copy of Big Bang Theory take some time to check it out. They cover the songs that influenced them in the beginning.
I got to see them with Billy Preston shortly before he passed. That was a great show!

Dan

Agreed!!!!!!!! Um... but I have everything they ever put out so maybe I'm a bit biased!!!

 

["Dr. Dirt"]

If this is all unicorns and rainbows over here, I will be rather disappointed

Unicorns & rainbows? Isn't that for another "special group's" forum somewhere?

I will say that I when a certain Mater disagreed with me by saying "I had my head up my arse" I pretty much decided he crossed the line and I'll admit a very strong desire to discuss it face to face.

If you express your opinions with just the right amount of zeal, passion, intensity, emotion, etc. you might just provoke a response that you may not actually want in person when the time comes to meet up. Funny how our memories work?

My rule is to never say something on the net that I wouldn't openly say face to face. Now, with the Mater using actual names, your chances of meeting up with others is exponentially increased.

 

[Nitrohaulic]

There's been some people on here who I'd LOVE to meet face to face, just because I'm convinced that they don't have the balls to say then what they've said while hiding behind a keyboard.

 

[Jenn]

There's been some people on here who I'd LOVE to meet face to face, just because I'm convinced that they don't have the balls to say then what they've said while hiding behind a keyboard.

Like wise, there have been some people I would HATE to meet face to face on the grounds that I'd say what I really thought without the ability of being able to 'proof' what I'd really want to say. There've been many of posts that I've read after I typed them and then decided I'd better not post it.

Even here, I find it necessary to self monitor myself because I am still a crew member and I still reflect my team, NHRA, LODRS and myself.

Plus, there are some people who I know I'd want to throttle, and the fact that I've met most, if not all, the maters at the races in which we are competing, that whole "Conduct yourself as a representative of the sport of NHRA drag racing and not in a way that determental to the sport of drag racing" is something that I have to abide with.

 

[BSquared]

I agree 100% that you should be able to back up what you say on here..

The internet tough guy mentality cracks me up

 

[Nitrohaulic]

Like wise, there have been some people I would HATE to meet face to face on the grounds that I'd say what I really thought without the ability of being able to 'proof' what I'd really want to say. There've been many of posts that I've read after I typed them and then decided I'd better not post it.

Even here, I find it necessary to self monitor myself because I am still a crew member and I still reflect my team, NHRA, LODRS and myself.

Plus, there are some people who I know I'd want to throttle, and the fact that I've met most, if not all, the maters at the races in which we are competing, that whole "Conduct yourself as a representative of the sport of NHRA drag racing and not in a way that determental to the sport of drag racing" is something that I have to abide with.

LOL, I'm not the only one who's typed something, then thought "This is getting ridiculous" and deleted it?

Yeah, I guess there's two reasons why I'd enjoy meeting some of these folks. One is like I said. I'm convinced they'd be all nicey, nicey all of a sudden. Two is to look them in the eye and say the same things I do here.

Hey, I've been on another board STRONGLY disagreeing with someone politically who I happen to think a lot of personally, because there's been no personal disrespect between us, at all. I just helped crew on his nostalgia nitro funny cars last weekend and we butted heads more than once!

The key thing is that I always assume that people have what fits my definition of good intentions unless they prove otherwise, therefore they are not deserving of being personally disrespected. Once they demonstrate having bad intentions, the gloves are off big time, and I will grind them into the ground simply by humiliating them with their own words.