A trip to Wal Mart............... (1 Viewer)

Suzie Q

Nitro Member
:DYou have to love this . . .

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house. Mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty. Covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit, shorts with the hole in crotch, old t-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.

Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to help complete the job. Depending on your age you might do the following.

In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane; You went to school with the pretty girl running the register.

In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.

In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is Spicy.

In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from your buddy's bait shop and it says, "I Got Worms".



In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose off the dog crap off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.

In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing; Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions ready too. Don't even notice the dog crap on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.

In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember that you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wonder around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. The old lady that greeted you at the front door went to school with you.

In your 90's:
Stop what you are doing.
 
TOO FUNNY....

After reading that...I think my husband must still think he's in his 30's...(He's still got it ya know......)...and not 50's.............HA!:D
 
: You know the outfit, shorts with the hole in crotch, .

Do to an amusing yet unfortunet incident I am no longer allowed to own, wear or even talk about such shorts...at least that what the judge said:p
 
It's not dog poop... it's horse poop... and horses are vegetarian so it doesn't smell as bad...:p really... :D ... really... :rolleyes:
 
Apparently, according to this science, I'm in my mid 50's.................. :D :eek: Is that thing right!! :p
 
Think I'm 80... what were we talking about... oh yeah... shorts... but what does the shorts before the feature film have to do with gardening and how did it get holes.... did the projector jam??? and why do the movies having anything to do with Kathy making me pull weeds in her flowerbeds???? Did someone say we're going to Wal-Mart???? I think maybe I should pick up some new shorts, these have holes in them... Oh yeah, Keys, where did I put my Keys??? In the car.... and, has anyone seen my car???? last time I saw it was at the store, that's right... left the car at Wal-Mart... Kathy's gonna be mad... she's still in the car I think....
 
A nice man with a badge and Uniform stopped by earlier... They did find my car... it was only a couple of blocks from here at the Wal-Mart... They said the keys were in it, along with a couple of hundred pairs of boxer shorts... and a note from Kathy.... I think it was Take out the cat, feed the garbage, and stop nuking ice cream in the microwave and something about PBJ's aren't good for the puppy next door... and she'd see me in a week or so.... she's spending time with the grandsons KJ and DM... she'd have Mouse call me later and...

need to go to Wal-Mart and get more PB and a couple of boxes of Ding-Dongs and some fresh cow juice... but can't do that until Hillary gets her BLOG fixed... I know a good Vet... has an office at Wal-Mart... get my reading glasses from her and she's a wiz with puters.... her motto is "pets, Puters, and Peepers, we fix em all"....

oh, yeah, pull weeds and then go get my car from Wal-Mart.... what was I doing???
 
a little off-topic, but as long as we're talking about wal-mart,
here's a personal stereotype i have.
in fact this is why i'm worried about NHRA expanding their fan base;
good for NHRA, bad for us life-long fans, most noteably pit-access.
ready............
walmart shoppers = nascar fans
simple is as simple does.

note: i shop at wal-mart. i'm referring to those you see stopped in the
middle of the isle; clueless to anyone else around them and/or trying
to move past them; much less even knowing what they are shopping
for.
 
Back to the subject....

Walmart greeting!!

A very loud, unattractive, mean woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two
kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The Wal-Mart Greeter says "Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice
children you have there. Are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't!
Oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're
twins? Are you blind, or just stupid? "

"I'm neither blind nor stupid", replied the greeter. " I just couldn't
believe you got laid twice."
 
OMG!!!

Karl- you are silly! The "Pets, Puters & Peepers" reminds me of the Jack Webb & Johnny Carson skit that is so ridiculous!

When your memory really goes, we will dress you up like James Bond and we will hire a big busted blonde nurse to call you "Commander Bond" and no one, including you will no the difference!!! Do you like Gin or Vodka Martinis?

Mike- Dem peoples are practicin' der "blockin' skills"!!! Just run em' over!!!

Martin- I love that one!!!

:D
 
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